Welcome back...

I might need you're help....

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 19:48:43 GMT

These are my feelings. Read the lyrics if you want. You can comment if you'd like.

When it's all began,
We knew there'd be a price...

Once upon a dream,
I was lost in love's embrace.
There I found a perfect place,
Once upon a dream.

Once there was a time,
Like no other time before,
Hope was still an open door,
Once upon a dream.

And I was unafraid,
The dream was so exciting!
But now I see it fade...
And I am here alone!

Once upon a dream,
You were heaven-sent to me,
Was it never meant to be?
Was it just a dream?

Could we begin again!...
Once upon a dream.

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Please stop it...

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 14:42:22 GMT

I can't take it. I'm gonna be so fucked up from this. I don't know how I'm supposed to handle this. This this this. No, I can't say what this is. When you're around, I'm happy or dying. Never in between. Blissfully happy or dying slowly. I like you so much. So much... I'm not gonna make it through, I can't... I can't help myself because I'm not strong enough. I'm just constantly waiting.... Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for a call, or a cataclysm, or for the end of the heart stomping. Please make it stop... because I can't.

No good deed....

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 16:47:07 GMT

Unlimited
The damage is unlimited
To everyone I've tried to help
Or tried to love
Every time I could, I tried making good
And what I made was a mess!
No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead
No good deed
Goes unpunished!
One question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are
Maybe that's the reason why

No good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well -
Well, look at what well-meant did:
All right, enough - so be it
So be it, then:
Let all Oz be agreed
I'm wicked through and through
Since I can not succeed
Fiyero, saving you
I promise no good deed
Will I attempt to do again
Ever again
No good deed
Will I do again!

God I love that song... Things are so rocky right now, but looking up for now... Asking about them will probably get you the same answer I always give... "I'll tell you when I know." It's all so spur of the day, if that's a saying. I'm the happiest I ever was, and the saddest, all in the same day. I've never been so happy, but I've also never burst into tears at the actions of another human being. I want my walls back, where did they go? Should I rebuild them yet, or should I wait? Who says I can even rebuild them, maybe later...

Kiss Me too fiercely
Hold me too tight
I meed help beliving
You're with me tonight
My wildest dreams
Could not forsee
Lying beside you
With you wanting me

And just for this moment
As long as you're mine
I've lost all resistance
And crossed some boarderline
And if it turnes out
It's over too fast
I'll make every last moment last
As long as you're mine

Maybe I'm brainless
Maybe I'm wise
But you've got me seeing
Though different eyes
Somehow I've fallen
Under your spell
And somehow I'm feeling
It's up that I fell

Every moment
As long as you're mine
I'll wake up my body
And make up for lost time

Say there's no future
For us as a pair

And though I know I may know
I don't care
Just for this moment
As long as you're mine
Come be how you want to
And see how bright we shine
Borrow the moonlight
Until it is though
And know I'll be here holding you
As long as you're mine

What is it?

It's just for the first time,
I feel ... wicked

A song for you...

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 19:44:01 GMT

Come on closer
I wanna show you
What I'd like to do
You sit back now
Just relax now
I'll take care of you

Hot temptations
Sweet sensations
Infiltrating through
Sweet sensations
Hot temptations
Coming over you

Gonna take it slow babe
Do it my way
Keep your eyes on me
Your reaction
To my action
Is what I want to see

Rhythmic motion
Raw emotion
Infiltrating through
Sweet sensations
Hot temptations
Coming over you

And now you're satisfied
A twinkle in your eye
Go to sleep for ten
And anticipating
I will be waiting
For you to wake again

Hot temptations
Sweet sensations
Infiltrating through
Sweet sensations
Hot temptations
Coming over you

[When you wake up we'll
do it all again]
[When you wake up]
[When you wake up we'll
do it all again]
[When you wake up]

Hour after hour
of sweet pleasure
After this I guarantee
you'll never wanna leave
Shut your eyes and think about
what I'm about to do
Sit back relax I'll take my time
this lovin's all for you

Gotta love the kinky Jem lyrics ^_-

Finally updating! I'll start updating more often.

Track and tutoring....

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 19:17:00 GMT

Well, I haven't updated lately, but now's a good time. I'm contemplating seeing the beginning of the track meet, but I can't stay the whole time because of tutoring. I like tutoring, I feel all helpful. Plus I get some money, but that's an afterthought. I enjoy doing math. For other people, not my classes lol. I'll have to finish my essay later, I forgot to do it in pre-calc. Oooh I have to check out the butcher fight and the controversial pictures. Help me find em if you can. Leave a comment.
See ya.

Hair...

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 19:29:12 GMT

Yes! I'm getting my haircut tomorrow at 6! Hopefully, I have nothing going on then. Because that would suck. But hmm... I don't think I'm going to do track this year. I feel horrible about it, but I don't know what to do... All the inspiration in the world won't help me. But hmm...

Things Are Looking.... Ok...

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 00:44:42 GMT

Well, I'm ok now. The many mood swings of Alex. Bleh. But yeah, I think I'm back to normal, and so is my launchcast station I think. I'm gonna go home soon, home sweet home. Things are looking up for my annoying little adventure, but I don't know, I need to keep my hopes to a bare minimum. I'm done for now. Sayonara.

Done...

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 22:58:02 GMT

Well, I think I'm officially done trying. I give up on this little adventure. I can tell it's going nowhere. I give up.

I'm starting a new journal sometime soon, for other stuff. Hopefully soon.

Ugh this sucks. MOTHERFUCKING launchcast station, I don't want to hear your crap! I did not rate slow reggae jams! God dammit.
Oh, wow, Greenday has like 26 billion songs on the top 100 rock list. Oh I listen to Green Day, I'm so anarchist!! And I don't even dislike Green Day, I need to calm down! Ugh, I hate my life!!! FUCK!!!

You all said...

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 19:14:42 GMT

Everyone was telling me I was on a lot, so I took a break. This is my first time on in 6 days, booyaka.
I loved break, I can't wait till the disease called school ends. It was mostly very fun, but some parts I could have done without. I'm thinking about starting another livejournal, but I'm not sure. But that's for another time.
Sin City. An amazing movie. I loved every minute of it, I think I'm going to buy it when it comes out. Oh man, it was so good. I also recommend 28 Days Later, but it is pretty confusing, but in a cool way. The music in that movie is awesome. The camera angles are also really nice. But yeah, someone leave some cool comments that I can um... comment on. See ya.

Anticipating your return...

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 03:07:44 GMT

I'm waiting, but it's not going to happen. It really isn't. No matter how much I want it, I don't think it's going to flesh out. This was my last chance, or I may have to just settle. This is it...

Lately, its like... something happens that should make me smile, and I do smile, and I even laugh, but I don't feel it... and something happens that makes me cry, and I cry, but I don't feel sad... Someone pisses me off and I yell, but I don't feel angry... Its like... like a first-person game, where the character you're playing as reacts differently than you would in those situations... I'm moving, I'm looking through the eyes, hearing through the ears, but... its someone else doing all the emotions. Total detachment from myself, in an eerie sort of way... I hate it, and yet, I can't even feel the hate.
Who the hell is controlling my body? I'm acting like me, but more extreme... a living caricature.
--- Written By Lynna

I didn't write it, but it's perfect.

What the FUCK?

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 00:28:09 GMT

*sigh*
What the FUCK else am I going to do at my dads except go on the computer?
"Get up and get some exercise," my father says before leaving the garage door wide open, letting in all the cold air. Then, I tell him he left it open, because he is sitting in the living room.
"Well, I'm going in and out." Then I tell him it gets cold. He proceeds to explain to me what he is wearing, as if that will change the fact that I am cold. Just because I do not feel the need to dress like I am camping in Antarctica does not mean I have to feel cold sitting in the house. What the fuck?
Ugh, today was pretty wasted, but I needed the rest.

Waiting for something to go wrong...

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 03:56:19 GMT

Well, it's 10:51, I want to go home. I'm looking forward to saturdays party. Now's my chance! Woop. Boom. Booyaka. Bitchin Cool. Done now. But yeah, I'm hoping I feel good beforehand.
I had track today, that wasn't too hard. I dragged Aaron there too. Also, I dragged him to chemistry, and pre-calc. It was fun. I want to see the end of "Stand and Deliver", the movie we watched in Brown's room. It sounds like a porno, but it isn't: it is about math. Stand and deliver, it just sounds so dirty. Well, I'm gonna go, I'll write more when I get back to this computer.

Chat...

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 03:07:30 GMT

I type too much in here lately, but I'm having fun. Track and tutoring is wiping me out, I'm not one of those proactive kids! I'm a slacker! Why do I sign up for things?

An interesting thing, I need to find new stuff to do. New experiences. Life is too monotonous. Alex agrees lol. Someone run away with me! Let's get the hell outta here. Who's with me?

Finally home...

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 23:04:56 GMT

Yes... Finally home. I am very happy about that. First, I had track after school, which is always very hard. Then, I had tutoring, which I enjoy, but still, I like being home. I wish I could tutor from home, it would be great.
Ooh I hate politics... and the news.... My dad rants way too much. I HATE IT.... *sigh*
That poor Shivo lady, shes starving to death, I feel so sad whenever I see her face. I hope things work out, whether she dies or not, I hope it is in her best interest. I don't want to think about it.
Well, I'm gonna play a game or something. Leave comments I love them lol.
Ooh I want to thank Joe for making my Livejournal so bitchin cool.

Lonely...

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 00:25:39 GMT

Gah, I'm going to find someone if it kills me!!!11!!!one!!11! <--- lol Justin

I picked you out
Of a crowd and talked to you
Said I liked your shoes
You said thanks can I follow you?
So it's up the stairs
And out of view
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name you asked the time
Now it's two o'clock,
the club is closed we're up the block
Your hands on me
Pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth
Trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know
Who else may have been you before
I want a lover I don't have to love

My planet....

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 20:40:03 GMT

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability.
You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea.
Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion.
You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone.
If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

What Planet Are You From?

What Golden Sun Adept Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

What is Your Outlaw Star Personality Disorder?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.
Perfect...

Party me isn't a very good partier....

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 20:55:30 GMT

*sigh*
It seems when I write in here, it's always about the bad parts of my life. I guess that's all you really need to get out, so I will just continue.
Well, the party I went to this weekend was fun, but I am a bad partier. I will admit that right now. I need to let my self consciousness go and have a good time. I act like I am 12 years old, and I'm starting to realize I get treated that way. Next time, I will party hard. And I won't end up regretting my actions, or as the case may be, my lack thereof. Next time, watch out :[

Ohh my head...

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 23:35:58 GMT

Wow. Track. I'm not that out of shape. My head was throbbing at the end, and I could barely push myself to walk. I think it was the cold. I hope it was the cold. I wore these stupid pajama pants... Why? Not that I have anyone to impress, but I need a confidence boost during track. I was seriously contemplating just quitting. I'm not built for running. My legs are too short. I wanted to play tennis but... I can't anymore. Plus, I'm really bad at it, so they wouldn't want me on the team.
Ooh, on a lighter note, I read my new Kare Kano manga, I love it. I need more. I'm gonna check if the next one is out yet. I wonder why I hadn't read it earlier, I've had it since my birthday. Too many contractions. Bleh. But I'll write more some other time. /bye

One Year Later...

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 21:51:18 GMT

Well, I'm back to update this old piece of junk. It's been so long. Orchestra festival is coming up this saturday... What a crazy coincidence. I miss my butcher friends. I went to Lauren's Birthday party and had a great time, but it just reminded me of how much of a slacker I am. I am even slacking right now. I need to do an essay for AP Geography, but here's the catch, it was due today. So, once again, I will be turning in a late assignment. sigh... I need to fix my habits. So yeah. Well, I'm gonna go now. I'll try to start writing again.

Everytime I try to fly...

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 23:38:29 GMT

Hey there. I'm sitting at my dad's house and I am bored so I decided to write. Well, I ate too much just a little bit ago. Ramen noodles and 2 mini boxes of cereal. Also some bread. Bring on the carbs lol. God that bugs me. But I haven't had much food all together. Hmm... I've been here all day. I skipped track, just to come and sit here. My dad wanted me to go to his cousins wedding with him cause the people he was going with bailed. I didn't wanna go. Plus I have orchestra states tommorow. Then a concert on Sunday. God dang... Sometimes I hate orchestra. But at least I'm going with my friend tommorow before he leaves for New York on Wednesday. I want to leave the state too. Maine would be cool. But most of all I want to go to Japan. Spring Break Senior year!!! Woo. My mom suggested it lol. Good plan. I'll probably end up doing that. Bring a few friends. I have a few years to decide. I'm done for now. I'm gonna go read or something. Write more later. Later may be today, tommorow or whenever I next get on the computer. Bye.

Dreaming of you...

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 15:58:59 GMT

Hey there. I'm in bio watching a movie about dreams! Very cool. I had a weird dream last night. I don't think I'll go into it though, not for you guys. I want to get out today. I hope I do something. I gotta call Kris back, haven't talked to him in a while. Everyone in here is on a laptop lol. There are only like 10 people in here. This guy is crazy! He is dreaming and going psycho! This is a funny movie. But yeah, I'm gonna try to go out today... I better or I'll start going crazy like that old guy. Well, I'm done. Write more later.

To make me feel alive again...

Mon, 26 Apr 2004 15:27:11 GMT

Hello again. Back in IDS! Woo. Ms. Gerling is telling us about Pinnacle... Hmm... Weird. Whatever. Well, my weekend was fun. Friday I went bowling. I got beat both times by like 5. First game was 107, second was 100. Bleh. Saturday I went to my track meet. We got second out of 5. Very cool. I dunno, just been reading Memnoch the Devil. Good book. Umm... Oh yeah, then after the meet I went home and sat around. Jenny called me then, and I went over to Emily's house and played DDR. That was cool. Then sunday I went to my cousins First communion party type thing and we had food and jumped on the trampoline. Hung out with my older cousin Kristina. Well, that was it, hopefully I get to go somewhere today. I'll write more later, whether it be at home today or here tommarow. Ja ne. Incoming Mr. Copeland talk about projects :-/

It's always you in my big dreams...

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 21:00:09 GMT

Hello. This will be my first real update to my journal. Just got back from track, I like it. But I don't like being put in a JV race... One... That's it... They are worth points in this meet, PUT ME IN ANOTHER. I'm not that slow. Jeez. Well, I'm sitting here eating tomato sauce, it's actually sort of good. My dad's house has like no food. Except ramen nooodles. I like them, but they are unhealthy. That brings me to another point: I really don't like when people comment on what I eat. No offense Patience, but please don't say I eat a lot. All I had today was a bowl of cereal, a bagel, that tiny box of frootloops, and some of this tomato sauce adding up to a net total of what... like 550 calories? Almost like no fat. Plus, I ran track today... AND I don't drink anything but water and occasionally i'll let myself go and drink some skim milk. Enough about that. Finally I'm going out!! Bwahaha... I get to go bowling or something with my friend Mike and his friend Mike... Such a common name. Poor people. But then again, here comes all these generic Alexes. At least I was named after Alexander the Great because I'm Greek. Or was it because I was born on Alexander Graham Bell's birthday? Either way, it has meaning. God, I guess I've rambled long enough. Well, Lisa are you happy now? You've unleashed a demon lol. I'll write more later. See ya.

Cool...

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 17:09:01 GMT

My livejournal is all updatey now. Thank you to Lisa.

Ugh...

Fri, 02 Apr 2004 17:41:20 GMT

I'm so glad this week is over. A test in math. A test in bio. This is my down-hour. Thank god for IDS. Hmm, this is gonna be weird posting stuff all the time that everyone can read. But I guess I'm not supposed tot hink about that, huh. Well, I'm gonna go play some java games, I promise my next entry will be a bit more interesting. See ya.